Painting by Michael McLoran

 

No Barbarians Allowed
by Paul Kavanagh

Clever people say clever things. Intellectual people say Intellectual things. And correct people say correct things.
Lucy Applebright liked the way Matthew Kirk-Patrick talked about her body. Over and over he said the nicest things. He focused on Lucy Applebright’s flowing hair and her strong chin. He told her she had lovely eyes and tender lips.
Matthew Kirk-Patrick always had a book under his arm. Lucy Applebright liked that Matthew Kirk-Patrick always had a book under his arm.
Persecute yourself, says St. Isaac of Syria, and your enemy is routed as fast as you approach, said Matthew Kirk-Patrick.
I didn’t know that. You are so clever, said Lucy Applebright.
Lucy Applebright liked going to the movies with Matthew Kirk-Patrick. She liked the mixed cds he did for her. She liked it when he used big words like, tenebrous and otiose.
Why don’t you come over here and fuck me, said Lucy Applebright.
Lucy Applebright smiling stroked Matthew’s hair. Remembering his masculinity Matthew readjusted his face, sat upright, puffed out his chest and sighed.
Love is beautiful, said Matthew Kirk-Patrick.
Matthew Kirk-Patrick’s face was split into two fragments; there was the fragment above the smile and the fragment below the smile. Lucy Applebright didn’t know which one to communicate with. Relationships are all about communication.
After sex Lucy Applebright liked looking at the moon.
Unlike the moons of other planets, the moon of the Earth has no proper English name other than the Moon, said Matthew Kirk-Patrick.
Lucy Applebright sighed.
In the moon light Lucy Applebright’s beauty could not be matched. Her beauty was breathtaking.
Sorry, I am lying. Lucy Applebright’s beauty was ordinary, but still Matthew Kirk-Patrick found her to be beautiful. That is the strange thing about beauty. It is protean.

*********

Silly people say silly things. Stupid people say stupid things. And dirty people say dirty things.
Lucy Applebright did not like the way Matthew Kirk-Patrick talked about her body. Over and over he said the most horrid things. He focused on Lucy Applebright’s salmon colored inner thighs and her heaving breasts. At first Lucy Applebright thought that Kirk-Patrick was talking about animals. Wild animals lost in thick foreign jungles, running, fighting, defecating and fornicating.
My father never played games with me. He was too busy, said Matthew Kirk-Patrick.
Lucy Applebright did not mean the fricative ugh.
When my mother and grandmother caught me reading Our Lady of the Flowers they both give me money for candy, said Matthew Kirk-Patrick.
Lucy Applebright was standing at the window. Her eyes betrayed her. She was looking at the moon.
You’re not very good at chess, said Lucy Applebright.
Matthew Kirk-Patrick did not like the supercilious tone. Lucy Applebright had just taken his Queen.
Why did you make that move, said Lucy Applebright.
Lucy Applebright was playing with his Queen. Matthew Kirk-Patrick did not like the way Lucy Applebright was handling his Queen.
If your Queen could speak I wonder what she would say, said Lucy Applebright.
Matthew Kirk-Patrick knew a jab when he saw or heard one.
In chronological order: rub Rogaine into pate, let scalp absorb, next go through other minoxidil based products purchased on line.
In chronological order: brush teeth, floss, brush teeth again, urinate.
In chronological order: flush. 
In chronological order: wash out sink, remove unwanted hairs.
In chronological order: floss, brush teeth, comb out knots, urinate, put down toilet seat, turn off the restroom light.
Matthew Kirk-Patrick removed the wings with much incongruous glee. It was as though he was pulling wings from angels.
You are evil, said Lucy Applebright.
Lucy Applebright started to cry.
Matthew Kirk-Patrick threw the dead moth into the waste basket. He laughed.
Have a drink and calm down, said Matthew Kirk-Patrick.
The moth had stained Matthew Kirk-Patrick’s finger tips. They looked as though they had been dipped in gold dust. They glistened when they caught the light.
I hate you, said Lucy Applebright.
I hate you, too, said Matthew Kirk-Patrick.